I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
