I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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