During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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