I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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