That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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