The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
