i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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