life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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