One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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