I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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