You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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