It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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