There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
