its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
