He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my poor anus
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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