Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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