Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
