it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
