people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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