the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
