they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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