turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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