Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
