I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
