im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
