OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
