I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
