Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
