How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it hurts more in the daytime
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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