But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
