so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
