My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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