I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
