good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
