we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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