A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm passing your future prison.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
