the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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