Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
