Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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