literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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