"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
