look no pants
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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