HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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