Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
