You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
