I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
