My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I need help removing her.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So vagazzling was a success
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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