You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need moral support for this bender
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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