I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
