his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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