I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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