Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
