my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
