and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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