This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
