The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize